Experiencing difficulties in falling in love? Gain valuable insights into why some individuals can’t fall in love and discover strategies to overcome these obstacles.
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| Photo by Olya Prutskova from Pexels |
We’re living in an age where technology and other things have somehow tried to make a lot of things easier including dating with the advent of social media sites or apps, dating sites, and even blogs, forums, etc, yet, a lot of us helplessly struggle heavily with dating and just can’t fall in love.
While we can now meet people existing outside our social networks that we would otherwise never meet, easily meet people with similar core values, faith, interests, backgrounds, and preferences, and we can easily learn from others how to better our love lives, a considerable amount of us practically can’t fall in love even though they didn’t willingly want to shut themselves off relationships and love.
But it just seems so until they somehow begin to feel like they don’t need love at all.
Well, the thing is, as social creatures that often crave connection with each other right from time, we all do need love that’s beyond the addictive, false love that’s often being depicted by films and novels — We need love that’s characterized by persistent support and deep connections with people or persons we value and make us feel valued in return.
That’s why I strongly believe that we can still try to make falling and being in love easier for us by being mindful of and even avoiding things that make it more difficult than it should be.
1. They have this fickle and unstable self-esteem and self-worth.
Most people waste a considerable amount of the little time they have to live in this life by putting up behaviors that do nothing but make their relationships and love lives unnecessarily complicated. This is simply a result of their fickle and unstable self-esteem or self-worth.
Instead of being among the people who possess the sexiest quality on earth (people who are less or not needy at all), a lot of people simply choose to let their neediness take the wheel and drive them into behaviors and thought patterns that reek of low self-esteem and self-worth.
They struggle heavily with feelings of inadequacy, being flawed, and deficient in some ways.
They can’t help but desperately seek out reassurance, validation, and attention from love interests.
They have this counterproductive misconception that they need someone to make their lives feel whole — they’re generally unhappy with their lives and desperately needed that someone that’ll give them the happiness and wholeness they can’t provide for themselves.
The truth, however, is that you can’t really fall in love or have a great and easier love life when you don’t love yourself enough to have a stable self-worth.
Because anything other than this will either make you so needy that you’ll often turn out to be too clingy, possessive, and over-dependent on a partner or prospective date. Or it’ll make you a helpless puppet to manipulative and controlling partners that’ll use your neediness against you.
What to do about this:
As earlier hinted, the easiest way to enjoy great relationships is by loving yourself first and learning to be whole on your own.
Life is easier when your happiness and fulfillment don’t depend on anyone’s acknowledgment, validation, attention, or affection.
The gist is to never force someone to love you out of desperation to feel valued and happy, which you can actually provide for yourself.
Strive to achieve a healthy and fulfilling inner peace and stability that’s not dependent on anybody, not even a “better half.”
Nothing beats a life free of anxiety over a partner’s commitment, desperation for attention, and urge to do anything to be loved.
Read Also: 10 Seemingly Small Things A Loving Partner Will Never Do
2. They’re dead scared of vulnerability.
Another reason why many people just can’t seem to fall in love or secure that kind of loving, authentic, and mutually supportive relationship they deeply and strongly desire is that their deep-seated fear of vulnerability and intimacy is making it difficult for them to even admit they want such kinds of relationships, let alone, make one possible.
Baring your heart, soul, and world open to let someone in, is not easy at all, but it’s certainly the surest route to genuine and deeper connections.
A lot of people out of fear of vulnerability, go to the extent of shying away from telling their partners how much they needed support or bottling up their thoughts and feelings because they want to avoid conflicts, or seeming inadequate or even unlovable.
In the end, they either find themselves in shallow, superficial, and mediocre situationships, or their dating or love lives become next to non-existent. Yes, because lacking self-awareness and the necessary communication skills to be vulnerable with a partner or love interest will make romantic relationships even more difficult than they should be for you.
Recommended Reading: Give Up These Toxic Beliefs If You Want A Better And Less Stressful Love Life
2. They’re dead scared of vulnerability.
Another reason why many people just can’t seem to secure that kind of loving, authentic, and mutually supportive relationship they deeply and strongly desire is that their deep-seated fear of vulnerability and intimacy is making it difficult for them to even admit they want such kinds of relationships, let alone, make one possible.
Baring your heart, soul, and world open to let someone in, is not easy at all, but it’s certainly the surest route to genuine and deeper connections.
A lot of people out of fear of vulnerability, go to the extent of shying away from telling their partners how much they needed support or bottling up their thoughts and feelings because they want to avoid conflicts, or seeming inadequate or even unlovable.
In the end, they either find themselves in shallow, superficial, and mediocre situationships, or their dating or love lives become next to non-existent. Yes, because lacking self-awareness and the necessary communication skills to be vulnerable with a partner or love interest will make romantic relationships even more difficult than they should be for you.
What to do about this:
To enjoy deeper connections and even better relationships, you need to embrace vulnerability — the surest path to true and deep connections.
You don’t want to fall into the habit of blaming others for everything that goes wrong simply because your fear of vulnerability can’t allow you to take responsibility for the roles you played no matter how small they may be.
Neither will you want to be the type of partner that often avoids confrontational situations even when his partner strikes a particular hurtful chord by doing something hurtful, annoying, or insensitive to you.
Unless you want to willingly make your relationships messy, mediocre, shallow, or unhealthy. Worse, unless you want to spend the rest of your life single due to your non-existent love life.
That’s why you should learn to be more vulnerable in your everyday life. And stop concealing your rough edges, flaws, and imperfections from the world.
The more vulnerable you can be, the deeper and better your relationships will be.
Also Read: 5 Main Pillars Of Successful Relationships
3. They find it hard to believe when someone loves them.
I see people who so much want to be in loving and fulfilling relationships but often end up ruining things themselves.
They often love fiercely, passionately, and obsessively and expect to be loved in the same way, but will never believe that someone will love them even half as much as they do.
And the main reason is that they helplessly idolize and place their love objects on unrealistic pedestals.
They often act and behave like their partners and relationships are some golden prices they won despite their unworthiness of the prices. They dehumanize and put their love objects on some ridiculous pedestals based on their partners’ amazing looks, great careers, social statuses, or whatever to the extent that they begin to feel unworthy and undeserving of a relationship with them.
And at the end, they end up finding it hard to kick the need to crave reassurance and validations in a bid to satisfy their insatiable doubts and insecurities they have about their relationships.
To be specific, they often end up having this cycling loop in their brains that forces them to endlessly seek reassurance that their partners really love them and at the very worst, they think and fear that their partners will leave them anytime soon.
The truth, however, is that idolizing a love interest up to the extent that you’re always overwhelmed by fear and anxiety of them not loving you enough or at all does not only reek of insecurity but also a lack of self-love.
Most people don’t want to accept it, but worrying that a partner doesn’t love you enough and will leave or dump you will make it more likely.
What to do about this:
Again, to enjoy valuable and great relationships, you need to value yourself first.
And instead of idolizing or placing a love interest on an unrealistic pedestal that makes you feel inadequate to them, learn to love yourself enough to think of both of you as equals else you’ll always feel like you can’t fall in love and be loved in return.
There are myriads of ways to admire, love, and appreciate someone, but idolizing or putting them on a pedestal isn’t one of them.
If you’re often feeling like the luckiest party of your romantic partnership, like you aren’t worthy of your relationship, and like you’re going to lose it all soon, it’s obvious that you don’t value or love yourself enough.
And that’s exactly why some people can’t accept someone’s love — they’re helplessly living in insecurities that make it downright difficult for them to have a decent love life yet, they keep wondering why things aren’t working.
Well, unlike most things in life, loving and accepting someone’s love will only be easier when you put yourself first.
Because a loving heart that believes someone’s also lucky to have it will be more likely to accept and love better than one that doesn’t love or value itself.
You may also like: 7 Things Every Great Relationship Has At All Times
4. They’re damn so good at breaking this golden rule of attraction.
There are two common ways people behave around a love interest or love object: a.) Trying so hard to impress, attract, and win over prospective dates by acting out of sync with who they really are and b.) Being their unreserved, unapologetic, and confident self.
Unfortunately, when it comes to wooing, attracting, and winning over prospective partners, most of us usually find it difficult to stay true to our authentic selves. In other words, most of us often break the golden rule of attraction: Be yourself! And at the end of the day, we find ourselves wondering why we can’t fall in love.
And yet, we often are so nervous around someone we are attracted to that we’ll want to go to whatever length to impress them, appear clever and witty, and in the worst-case scenario, be so desperate for their attention, acceptance, and affection that we don’t act like ourselves around them.
The truth, however, is that you can try to create healthy, functional, and satisfying relationships through myriads of ways, but adding to or faking your personality or even molding yourself into what someone might like is one of the very worst ways to do so.
Our dating or love lives suffer immensely when we don’t act and live true to ourselves either around a love interest or when we are in a relationship with them.
And ultimately, we’ll either find ourselves struggling heavily to land romantic partners in the first place — because inauthenticity is unattractive. Or we’ll find ourselves in relationships that are nothing but unhappy and unfulfilling.
What to do about this:
Try to be that kind of person that’s often relaxed and less bothered about what a love interest thinks of you. And act your confident self. Because this will make it more likely for them to find you attractive.
And in the same way, avoid being the type of person that will go beyond just giving up their hobbies, passions, and friends to giving up themselves to create a new whole in a relationship. Because you can never be happy in such a situationship.
In a fake world that’s full of fakes, a lot of people aren’t courageous enough to act and live according to their core values out of fear of rejection and disapproval from others. Yet, you’ll find them complaining that they can’t fall in love or that they can’t find love.
However, if you can be confident and courageous enough to be your authentic self no matter what, you won’t only get to enjoy better romantic relationships, but will lead a happier, more fulfilling, and more successful life.
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