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| Photo by Wesley Tingey on Unsplash |
Steve Green imagines enjoying a long and satisfying relationship with the woman he loves.
Hooking up easily with her, going on a few dates, and getting her helplessly in love with him to the extent that she can't wait to spend the rest of her life with him,
Walking with her down the aisle, building and nurturing their beautiful little home in love and affection, and growing old together without any divorce or breakup except for occasional disagreements and fights, which are normal.
Could his dreams ever come true?
It seems unlikely.
But again and again, he has seen and heard of many couples with almost the same or even better success stories, but his dating and love life is nothing to write home about. It's practically nonexistent.
What am I doing wrong? Am I not attractive enough? What keeps chasing women away from me?
Well, the points in this article are nothing but the behaviors and mistakes of many men that make them come across as creepy, unattractive, and undesirable romantically to the women they're attracted to. Hence, they struggle heavily with attracting and landing romantic relationships with women. That's why you should avoid them at all costs.
1. Being way too nice.
Inauthenticity is a repulsive force.
Putting up the nicest acts of kindness toward people in high hopes that your niceness will buy you their love and affection will make you come across as inauthentic and, thus, repel them away from you.
Let me give you an example from my own life.
I used to be one of the most inauthentic nice guys ever. But, then, I would instead try to be the nicest friend a love interest has than communicate my romantic interest in her.
But as soon as I quit trying to use niceness to weasel my way into women's hearts and pants, my heavy struggle with dating gradually changed for the better.
I stopped thinking of attraction and interests from women as something I'd invest some nice, kind, and selfless acts and gain in return.
Hell, I stopped shying away from communicating or conveying my romantic interest to women while banking on my niceness to do that for me.
The results have greatly transformed my dating and love life for the better.
The right people are easily drawn to me because I'm no longer that manipulative, needy, inauthentic "nice guy" who's nice because he wants something in return.
That's because I now know that doing so means I'm acting out of sync with my true intentions, which in turn, will make me needy and, worse, unattractive as fuck.
2. Failing to understand this one thing about attraction and relationships.
No matter how much a majority of us love being in love or a relationship, there's still nothing that makes it more difficult to land and maintain happy, healthy, and satisfying relationships than needing to be in a relationship to be happy.
Even though movies and the media keep forcing on us the narrative that we somehow need a "better half" to complete and make us whole, that idea is best suited for movies or something like that.
Because in reality, such a ridiculous idea is more or less like advising someone to wait for a woman (or man) to validate their existence.
If it strongly feels like you can only experience pleasure, happiness, satisfaction, peace, tranquility, and positive self-regard when you're in a relationship, you'll only have a needy vibe within you that'll make you come across as unattractive, or you might end up attracting the wrong kind of relationship.
It also reeks of a lack of knowledge of your self-worth and value that you desperately need someone in your life to feel lovable and good enough.
Suppose you can't enjoy your own company and being alone. In that case, you might not be enjoyable to be around, making it more difficult to land romantic relationships, no matter how badly you want one.
That's why the most attractive and successful people in the dating department have the best self-relationship — enough to feel happy and fulfilled on their own instead of needing a relationship to be happy.
3. Helplessly idolizing love interests.
I'm sorry to say, but acting or behaving like a relationship with a love interest is a golden price you'll win even though you're undeserving of the price is the most ridiculous, moronic, and neediest thing to do as far as attraction is concerned.
Putting someone on a pedestal because of their dreamy looks, social status, or any other reason will make you feel inadequate, unworthy, or undeserving of them since you're placing them above you by idolizing them.
That's one good reason why defining your value by how beautiful, successful, or whatever your romantic partners are is just dumb to think of.
How can a woman find you attractive when the thought of her saying "no" feels utterly life-shattering to you because of how much your value and self-worth depend on her saying "yes"?
That's why people who love themselves enough to believe they deserve the best succeed more in the dating department — they don't hold on to the counterproductive notion that they'll be extremely lucky to have a particular attractive opposite sex in their lives.
Whereas some men are drowning in insecurity and wondering why they can't land romantic relationships. Well, it's because they can't believe an attractive, high-quality woman will love them, but how can they when they don't even love themselves to begin with?
Because unlike most things we do in life without putting ourselves first, loving someone and being loved in return can't be easier if you don't love yourself.
A self-loving heart that believes someone else will also be lucky to have it will be much more attractive than one that doesn't love or value itself.
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4. Trying to make a woman fall in love with them.
It's everyone's deepest desire to be liked and loved in return by the people they're romantically interested in.
But that doesn't mean you should be so bent on getting 100 percent reciprocity in likeness and affection from the people you're hitting on.
I remember being obsessed with pick-up articles, books, and videos promising "magical" tricks and tips to make a woman fall head over heels in love with me. But, of course, I was only being foolish back then. None of them worked.
When you're so bent on trying to make someone fall in love with you, you'll add a lot of BS to your personality, making you even more unattractive, even to the people who would have normally found you attractive.
The most attractive people who seem to have it easier with dating often focus more on what they already are instead of adding to their personalities and putting up behaviors meant to control the way a love interest feels and gear it in their favor.
These people know that there's always a clear-cut difference between attracting and winning over a love interest and trying so hard to make someone like or love them.
They know better than to choose the latter option, which stems from deep-seated neediness and insecurities.
Because what matters most to them is being their quirky, kind, and unique versions, they know for sure that the right person will never fail to notice how lovable, interesting, attractive, and worthy of affection they are. Hence, they always let the chips fall where they may.
Actions or behaviors that are supposed to control someone's feelings are just pointless.
One will most likely end up shooting himself in the leg if he employs them.
5. Having little to no self-love and respect.
Don't trade your self-regard and respect to be in any relationship.
Many modern men struggle heavily in the dating department due to the excessive neediness that prompts them to act in ways that reek of a lack of self-love and a lack of knowledge of their self-worth and value.
That's because many men are oblivious to what makes them happy. Hence, they don't prioritize their happiness as much as they should. Some even try too hard to be someone they're not because they're ashamed of who they are. All these are forms of betrayal of one's self-worth, respect, and value.
In a world where people are more insecure than ever, some people will let others define their boundaries simply because they don't want to be rejected.
Finding it very difficult to say "no" or accommodating whatever crap thrown at you just to be loved and accepted will either make your love life inexistent or terrible, or even both.
That's because lacking self-love and respect in these senses is a terrible defect that'll only repel people away instead of attracting them to you.
And in some cases, you'll end up attracting people who are just interested in using, manipulating, and taking advantage of your self-sacrificial love. That's certainly different from the outcome you would want.
6. Having a deep-seated fear of rejection.
Your success with attraction and dating is directly proportional to how well you deal with failures and rejections.
If failing or being rejected is a big deal you can't afford to bear, it's simply because you're too self-centered and overestimate your self-importance.
If you can go any length to avoid rejections, even if it means being the most inauthentic nice guy or acting out of sync with who you are, it means you need to stop thinking like you're the center of the universe.
The secret to overcoming rejections is understanding that being rejected or failing to land a romantic relationship with someone you so much like isn't as bad as you think.
One simple way to make dating and attraction a lot easier is to quit avoiding rejections because they're inevitable, as everyone is bound to get their own fair share of rejection in their lifetime.
Because when you're too self-focused to unreasonably magnify your failures and rejections, your dating and love lives will greatly be at the mercy of your deep-seated fear of rejection.
Quit seeing rejections as proof of your "unworthiness" of love and affection. And instead, learn to see them for what they really are: Great opportunities to find someone that's meant for you, since if someone rejects you, it means they aren't meant to be yours.
7. A lot of men suck at communicating.
Justifiably enough, great and effective communication is more challenging than it seems.
But the art of communicating with women is much more than just conversing logically and exchanging ideas or information with them. Instead, it has a lot to do with emotions.
A man with an excellent ability to communicate amusingly will be naturally more attractive and successful in the women's department because such a person will be fascinating due to his knack for telling stories, sense of humor, and excellent listening skills.
The ability of a man to go beyond having shallow and superficial connections with women into having great emotional, physical, and even sexual chemistry with them lies in his ability to have deep and meaningful conversations with them.
Whereas nothing will make a man's dating life suffer greatly more than his deficiency when it comes to the art of communicating with women.
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